It seems so difficult to believe that it's been six years. In some ways it seems like forever, it other ways just yesterday. It is a choice for me, to remember the painful or to remember the blessings and the miracles...
Just last week while we were digging around the attic, my sweet Alex came upon an old picture of he and Chloe. It's a very special picture to me because it's the last picture taken of them before the accident. Alex didn't realize before I mentioned it that Chloe's two little perfect chubby feet were crisscrossed in the photo. I heard him sniffing and when I looked, great big old tears were rolling down his face. Oh my heart, that's all it took. Something so seemingly insignificant took us back to a place where we were sad for what had been, what our girl had to go through, what Joel and Alex have had to carry. You know what I told Alex? It's ok. It's ok and a good thing to feel that pain in your heart because someone we love dearly suffered. It's healthy to have that hit you now and again. But we don't stay there, we look up (the only place we can look)...we look unto Jesus who is the only One who makes sense out of everything! And we give thanks, we give the kind of thanks because you life itself depends on the One we give thanks to. Our Father God saved our Chloe girl's life that day, six years ago. We could have been remembering something far more painful on this day but we aren't.
It has been a roller coaster of a year for Chloe, many wonderful things and many challenging things. Last fall when school started, she began to experience severe leg pain. There is nothing like seeing her in pain that throws this Mama into a panic. We didn't know what was going on, we tried adjusting her prosthesis several times and having her out of her leg to rest. Nothing really seemed to help. We finally went to see her Ortho Dr. and discovered what I was afraid of -- a growth spurt put her bone down to the very end of her limb. Chloe was walking on zero tissue, just bone. So we knew she would have to have surgery, she's been through it once before. I hated it then, I hated it this time. But we had some time, Chloe's the toughest girl I know! She determined she was going to walk as the flower girl in my Uncle's wedding and she did AND she danced ALL NIGHT too!! :) She determined she would go to her first Camp No Limits and she DID and loved every second of it! But finally after Thanksgiving, her leg had had enough. She had an amputation revision surgery the beginning of December last year. Because she had had this surgery before and it was not a big deal, we thought this wouldn't be so bad. But it would prove to be a very difficult 3 month recovery for Chloe. The pain she endured was incredible, I didn't think my heart could take anymore. But God...who is rich in love and mercy...our gentle Healer, many many times we cried out to Him. This time period I believe Chloe truly saw God as her Father, the One she could call out to herself. I believe this has changed her forever and for good!
March saw her back in school and doing well. Being a 9 year old girl is tough, you know. It's tough when you're not worried about your prosthetic leg making you "different" from all the other girls. It's tough when you go to camp and can't swim with your leg and you have to take it off in front of everyone. It's just tough. But we hold onto the firm faith that God's plan for Chloe is unbelievably good and perfect! We get beautiful glimpses of it now and then...and it's awesome! When I look at Chloe, my heart is so full of awe and thanksgiving. This precious child has been such a gift to us, our family will never be the same. And even though there are times I struggle and would love to take away all the difficulties she faces that only she knows that no one understands...I choose to trust with my girl and for my girl. Because I know that God the Father loves Chloe much much more than I ever could (which is pretty hard to believe!!) :)
So, today -- I'm going to choose to dwell on the good, and there is so much good!! :)