July 3rd will be forever etched into my memory whether I like it or not. It's been 3 years since the accident that claimed our Chloe's foot and also part of her childhood. Each year on this date, I try to look back, reflect and take stock of our lives and how far we've come from that day. It just so happens that I've spent this week in the hospital with my dad who just had surgery. The strangeness of that is not lost on me...however, in both situations God has spared the lives of the ones I love with all my heart.
No matter how much time passes I still struggle with the "whys" and the "what ifs". I am not sure that struggle will ever end but it gets a little easier. The farther we move on from that date the list gets longer of things I am so thankful for. God undertook for our Chloe and our family in so many small and big ways during a terribly dark and troubled period in our lives. I can see that now, very clearly. It doesn't mean I don't sometimes wish to go back and change things to work out the way I think best. No, my Mama's heart will always long for Chloe to not have to struggle with being different, or for her to not have to think twice about diving into the pool, or for her to not have several extra items to prepare before she starts her day. BUT I get to see her sweet sunshine face each and every morning and tuck her into bed each and every night. Now that is a privilege that I wouldn't trade for all the "normalcy" in the world!
This year has been tough on Chloe and the rest of us. She had to have surgery and for the first time, she had a difficult transition to a new leg. It took a lot longer than it ever has for us to get her leg just right. That was frustrating for her. For the first time I heard her say that she didn't want a prosthetic leg but a "normal one". For the first time she began to talk in detail about the accident and her fears. For the first time another child mocked her and her leg. For the first time she told me she was embarrassed and didn't want her new friends at camp to see her leg. Not so fun. We can tell Chloe is growing up and she is more and more aware of herself and others around her. Our responses to her have changed and our encouragement has deepened. We have begun to teach her even more about the uniqueness and specialness of each and every person God has made. And to be confident in who God has made her to be INside and out...she is NOT her leg! :) We are so thankful for her many friends that love her, all of her!
God has blessed us beyond words with two children who light up our days with their smiles, hugs and cheerful hearts...what more could we ask for?!! I continue to say and believe with all my heart that God is good, all the time God is good...even in the dark, even in the valleys, even when I can't see, even when my heart hurts, even when I'm angry, even when it's not fair. God is good, all the time God is good. I pray that you are finding this Truth real in your hearts as well. God bless!!
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