July 03, 2009

Looking Back

July 3rd will be forever etched into my memory whether I like it or not. It's been 3 years since the accident that claimed our Chloe's foot and also part of her childhood. Each year on this date, I try to look back, reflect and take stock of our lives and how far we've come from that day. It just so happens that I've spent this week in the hospital with my dad who just had surgery. The strangeness of that is not lost on me...however, in both situations God has spared the lives of the ones I love with all my heart.

No matter how much time passes I still struggle with the "whys" and the "what ifs". I am not sure that struggle will ever end but it gets a little easier. The farther we move on from that date the list gets longer of things I am so thankful for. God undertook for our Chloe and our family in so many small and big ways during a terribly dark and troubled period in our lives. I can see that now, very clearly. It doesn't mean I don't sometimes wish to go back and change things to work out the way I think best. No, my Mama's heart will always long for Chloe to not have to struggle with being different, or for her to not have to think twice about diving into the pool, or for her to not have several extra items to prepare before she starts her day. BUT I get to see her sweet sunshine face each and every morning and tuck her into bed each and every night. Now that is a privilege that I wouldn't trade for all the "normalcy" in the world!

This year has been tough on Chloe and the rest of us. She had to have surgery and for the first time, she had a difficult transition to a new leg. It took a lot longer than it ever has for us to get her leg just right. That was frustrating for her. For the first time I heard her say that she didn't want a prosthetic leg but a "normal one". For the first time she began to talk in detail about the accident and her fears. For the first time another child mocked her and her leg. For the first time she told me she was embarrassed and didn't want her new friends at camp to see her leg. Not so fun. We can tell Chloe is growing up and she is more and more aware of herself and others around her. Our responses to her have changed and our encouragement has deepened. We have begun to teach her even more about the uniqueness and specialness of each and every person God has made. And to be confident in who God has made her to be INside and out...she is NOT her leg! :) We are so thankful for her many friends that love her, all of her!

God has blessed us beyond words with two children who light up our days with their smiles, hugs and cheerful hearts...what more could we ask for?!! I continue to say and believe with all my heart that God is good, all the time God is good...even in the dark, even in the valleys, even when I can't see, even when my heart hurts, even when I'm angry, even when it's not fair. God is good, all the time God is good. I pray that you are finding this Truth real in your hearts as well. God bless!!


Lauren said...

This is so well written! This must be one of the hardest times, when they come to that realization that they are different from everyone around them. It breaks my heart, as a parent myself that will go through the same thing. We can ask those "Why?" questions all day, but it won't change our circumstances. And I love your outlook on this.

Thanks for being an encouragement :)

3 Blessings said...

I am so touched by your family and your daughter's story. I have added myself to your follow list and I will check in often for updated. Many blessings to you.

Jenna said...

Today we praise God for Chloe's life. What a tragic thing to happen, but what strength you all have. I am blessed to call yuo my friend. Give Chloe a big hug from us

Paul & Linda said...

Dad & I will never forget.....and we will never stop praising and thanking our gracious Lord Jesus for sparing Chloe's life. As Dad & I sat together in the hospital today, tears flowed as we talked about this date. They were tears of sadness, yes... but they were also tears of thanksgiving from the bottom of our grateful hearts. Bless our Father Who continues to heal our hearts! Every night when I tiptoe into her room, I kiss her and thank the Lord for her little life. What an absolute ZEST for life she possesses!!! GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME.....

with all our love, Dad & Ma

Debbie said...

Oh Kari, I hear your heart in your precious words. I'm sure your mother heart wants to make any pain go away for your child. The gift of time helps to sort through all of the feelings. But you are learning to trust the Lord even when life is difficult or uncomfortable, especially when you can't always protect your loved ones.

Chloe will learn that not all people are kind. But it's so important that she learn how very special she is and that God loves her so much. He knew what she would go through and she will have to depend on Him. Too many of us never learn those lessons at an early age.

God bless you Kari and your hubby and children. I'm so glad I met you through your blog.

The Gang's Momma said...

I feel the same about July 23rd and Baby BlueEyes. It's hard to believe it's been 4 years since the accident. Our life could be so different now. I'm ever so grateful for the miraculous endings we've both been able to experience!


The Gang's Momma said...

I meant 3 years since Baby BlueEyes' accident!

Nell said...

You and your family are so beautiful, inside and out. I'm thankful I found you blog! Thanks for the follow and tweet ... that is how I found you.


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