April 29, 2006

The story of Abraham and Moses

Moses Mackay Ragan just 4 days old and 2lbs and 6 oz!

Abraham (left) and Moses (right) at 16 days old.

Christmas angels at 20 days old! :)

Erinn holding Abraham Connor at 2 days old and 2 lbs 10 oz.

On November 1st, my sister Erinn gave birth to twin boys... Abraham and Moses! It was a joyous day but filled with concern because the boys were only 28 weeks old. After 6 weeks of bedrest Erinn's water broke with Abraham. Shortly after that both boys were born via C-section.

My heart was so torn because I wasn't with her, I was in Madang, Papua New Guinea. I was only able to receive news by email as my mom told a friend who then emailed me. It was the toughest time my sister and I have ever been through, we're best friends. My sister has always always been there for me and now I couldn't be there for her. But God knew all this and He was still in control...He loves them all more than I do so I had to let them rest in His hands.

So needless to say the boys were born into an uphill battle. At 28 weeks they had a really good chance to continue to grow and survive on their own. However, Moses was born with downs syndrome and a heart defect. We all knew this before the boys were born so it wasn't a surprise but it made things more difficult when they arrived premature. I so longed to be there with my sister...it was like my heart and body were living in two different places. My sister, bro in law, mom and dad made daily trips to the hospital to visit the boys and hold them. The boys lived in little "incubators" that helped them with their breathing, feeding and skin color. Abraham began to make daily improvements with his breathing, etc but Moses continued to struggle.

About a month after the boys were born, I got an email saying that they had to rush Moses to another specialty hospital for surgery. The Drs put a valve near his heart to help the blood flow from his heart to his lungs. This was the reason that he wasn't breathing well on his own. A few days after that Moses had to have emergency open heart sugery. This precious baby boy stepped into eternity after complications occurred from this surgery on December 2nd, he was just one month old.

My sister called me that night to tell me and it was like my heart was being ripped out of me. I cannot describe the heartache and sorrow of that moment. The thing was, Erinn was sad but so peaceful. That is the one thing I remember from our conversation, God had more than covered her with His abundant grace! Wow, what a testimony to the love and care of our God and Father! So even though my heart was aching within me I knew that Erinn was "ok". I felt like I needed to be there that instant. She had to go through all the funeral preparations for Moses and I wasn't there. They buried little Moses and had a memorial service for him...my body wasn't with them but my heart was. It's amazing the bond of family and the bond in the Spirit you have with someone, you can be a million miles away but you're standing right beside them. That's how it was with me and my sister on this day. It was a bittersweet day...we were aching with the loss of the little boy we would never watch grow up but joyful that he was in no more pain and running with Jesus and the angels at that moment! For me it was difficult because I had never even met Moses, but I tell you...my heart doesn't know that...the bond I feel with him is incredible. As I love on Abraham now, I love on him double for him and his brother.

I guess I just needed to tell this story. When all of this happened Joel and I and the kids were packing up everything and moving from Madang back home. It was a big jumbled mix of heartbreaking emotions for me. Then I just wasn't able to tell this story but now I feel like it's a healing process for me to share this with you all. I hope that it doesn't make you sad but encouraged at the dark storms my family has gone through BUT GOD has brought us through and has lavished His love and grace on us in ways unimaginable! He is faithful and merciful...right now He is tenderly caring for our Moses way better than we ever could. So no matter what you're going through right now, let me say this...God is good and even though sometimes we can't understand what He is doing, we can just rest and trust in the truth that He is always working things out for His children's GOOD and His glory! Thanks for letting me share this story.

1 comment:

theragan3 said...

The day that Moses went home to be with the Lord was undeniablly the most difficult day of my life. It was even harder knowing that I'd have to call Kari and tell her. It broke my heart because I knew her heart would break. We have always been super close and what affects one of us affects the other. But like she said... God had covered me with total peace and grace and she recognized that. I'm thankful that was able to help her deal with her emotions. I'm blessed to have a sister and to have such an incredible connection with her. I Love you Kari!! :)

Restored 316 Designs