July 03, 2010

Grateful Reflection

When the weather begins to warm and the grass grows long and green...I know what's coming after. Pretty soon the sound of lawnmowers fills the air. And while I have always loved the smell of fresh cut grass, it's just not the same anymore. I try very hard not to cringe when I hear and smell those first sounds and smells of summer. Each year it gets a little bit easier to enter a new summer season.

But once July comes around, the memories of July 3rd, 2006 become crystal clear in my mind. It has become very therapeutic for me to take time and sit down and write what comes to me about the anniversary of Chloe's accident. I hope one day to print these posts out and give them to Chloe, prayerfully they encourage her heart and tell her how very very much her Mama loves her as well as the rest of the family...and anyone that has come in contact with her for that matter! :)

This year has been very challenging for Chloe - Following a great summer, she began to have severe leg pain and was unable to walk in her prosthetic leg. To this day we are not sure what happened but her Pediatrician at the time believed she had a bone infection. Chloe spent the first week of 1st grade in the hospital. This was quite traumatic for Chloe and it brought back many bad memories for her and many fears she has about pain, needles, medicine, etc.

I really really struggled through this situation because later on, through her amazing Orthopedic Doc, Dr. Leet - we would find out that it was indeed not an infection! And so began my questioning, self doubt and guilt...I had made the wrong decision, believed the wrong person and as a result put my baby through unnecessary pain and trauma. If I can be quite honest, I have no earthly idea why God allowed that to happen, why He didn't intervene and stop this from happening. Why did Chloe have to miss out of all the exciting firsts of 1st grade and go through all this pain? My question for God was WHY? Hasn't she been through enough??

And all of a sudden, I was right back to where I was 4 years ago when Chloe's accident first happened. Angry, yes. Scared, yes. Confused, heck yah. Helpless, that too. BUT GOD. My Father God, who is rich in mercy and love has a perfect plan for Chloe, a plan for her good and to give her a good future and a hope. So I clung to that Truth desperately by faith and in the dark when nothing made sense to me at all. Because I believe, that I believe, that I believe that God is good, ALL the time and He loves my girl much more than I ever could.

So after a few weeks off of school, a few weeks of going to school and riding in the wheelchair...Chloe got back to herself once again. And we all took a deep breath!! One of the things I am so thankful for this year was her 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Strauss. I'm telling you, this lady was a gift straight from God this year! Every day she went above and beyond for Chloe and for us...at the end of the year, she told me that Chloe was an inspiration to her. Wow! Chloe also made some really sweet friends in class this year who (when she was in the wheelchair) took turns spending their recess inside with her coloring, playing games, etc.

However, she took quite a few 'hits' on the bus from some insensitive kids. For the first time, someone made fun of the scar on her arm. She came home devastated. I told her, "Girl, be proud of those scars...they are your warrior marks! You survived something not many could". (and no, I did not hunt that insensitive child down and chew her a new one...I restrained myself!!) ;) We often tell Chloe that we are ALL different in some way or another but that is what makes us special, unique. But her leg is not WHO she is...she is so much more than her leg!

There have been many great moments this year for Chloe!! We've had some fun hikes on the trail, the biggest blizzard we've ever seen, a new cousin who joined the family, a zoo field trip that I got to join her on, a special visit with her Grandparents, a combined Bday party with her brother, a new hamster, a new bike with NO training wheels... Coming soon this month are swimming lessons for her, she is thrilled!! Chloe has also grown 1/2 an inch since her last prosthetic check up so they are ordering new parts, new sleeves and new sleeve covers. What a blessing Real Life Prosthetics has been to us, and it's right in our own backyard!! Our list of wonderful fun times and things we are thankful for goes on and on, they outweigh the not-so-great list.

We've come along way in 4 years...all the way God has led us and shown Himself faithful and loving. Chloe is learning to monitor herself, to take responsibility and is becoming more aware of how she feels and how to take it easy on her body. She is the toughest little person I've ever met and she continues to amaze us and inspire us...Chloe, you are our HERO and we love you so much! Thank you God for placing Chloe in our family, we are forever better because of her. We can't wait to see all the good things you have in store for her!!


I just love pictues. They can tell the story so much better than I can.

Here is Chloe's year ~


Hiking in the woods and finding treasures




Chloe with her new nephew, Kennedy




Chloe with her wonderful teacher, Mrs. Strauss and 1st grade friends




Chloe with her buddy, Quincey




2010 Easter Family Picture




Chloe and her BFF, Sydney...they've been friends since Kindergarten.




End of Year 1st grade picnic



~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ~

"Therefore we do not lose heart.

Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us
an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal". (NIV)



Click on the links below to read the past years of reflecting...






1 comment:

TheRagan3 said...

oh my sweet Chloe girl... how we do love you and thank the Father for you often. You have the strongest spirit I have ever known. Uncle Mike, Abraham, Kennedy and Re Re love you!

 
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